Saturday, September 23, 2006

Hot Lines

I promised a blog entry for Matt, long ago. Here it is now, I proudly present, enjoy it!

Since I've been working on a hotline myself, I'm becoming sensitive to hotlines. Questionable hotlines. I mean, my hotline is a sensible one. If you're stuck in an elevator - I'm there. I'm the voice that means recue to the poor souls suffering from claustrophobia. I'm like Mother Theresa. I'm charity. (I get paid, though). All in all, my hotline is a good thing.
Yet, have you noticed that there are hotlines everywhere? I bought a bottle of milk the other day and - I'm not making this up - there it said: "Please call our free fresh hotline!" I started wondering, if maybe this hotline is a 24h non stop one, like mine, and what problems one could have with the milk bottle which would make a person call that hotline.
I started some research work and came up with really interesting results. Everything has a hotline. I browsed through the labels we had at home and soon had a list of several free phone numbers.
NÖM (milk) - 0800/800500
Rama, Kuner Mayonaise - 0810/200780 (not totally free unfortunately, but very cheap)
Palmolive shower gel - 08000/123965
Persil - 0800/3658633
Blend-a-med tooth paste - 0800/201646
Swiffer - 0800/552686
I could come up with even more, these are just those I found in ten minutes.
Now, having aquired such valuable knowledge about hotlines, I have some ideas/requests/wishes.
1. Please, give me one of those call center jobs!!!
2. @Matt: I know, you happen to have a lot of spare time on some days, would you please call up those numbers. You're the perfect customer. "Hi, I'm American and just moved to Austria, so I'm not yet familiar with all your national, how exactly am I supposed to apply my shower gel? What? You mean not, as pasta sauce? Aha..."
3. I would like to call the Blend-a-med hotline in the middle of the night, totally freaked out, yelling: "Oh my God, I forgot to brush my teeth, I will get Karies, please help me!"
4. Matt, we could actually spend one funny lazy free morning together calling all those hotlines and improving the English skill of the ladies working there. Think about that!

Maybe, just maybe, my new job is making me crazy. Just a little bit. Maybe I want to take a little tiny revenge on life for having children calling me for fun, pretending to be stuck in an elevator. Maybe I'm just a very very manic woman.


  1. Sapperlott doesent speaks English. Sorry.
    Have u ever noticed, that people, who dont speak English as good as Magda or Matt, always uses short forms in "written English"?
    I mean, have u ever seen, that people, who understands nothing from singing or dancing are singing or dancing short?

    I havend understand what is written in this Blog, but I have called some of these Numbers and have asked some Questions in Polish. But they dont speak the same Polish as I speak. So i startet speaking English, which they understood, because they are German speakers too.

    luv u 2


  2. Nach meinem Brieftaschen Diebstahl war ich jetz eine Zeit lang begeisterter Polizeiposten- und Fundamtämteranrufer. Auch lustig!
    Eine Frage habe ich aber noch:
    Ist HOT-line eigentlich was schweinisches?
    LG das Brot

  3. Oh yeah, baby. Ich bin ein Call Girl, aber sag's ned weiter!

  4. i'm scared, but only because somebody parked in my parking space so i called the toothpaste hotline and no one there will come and help me smear toothpaste all over the windshield so the car will leave.


  5. Magda . . . I read your blog faithfully. I confess that I don't know a drop of polish or german. So, certainly - I think today was the best entry yet (maybe because i could understand more than just the picture). I called the milk hotline. They didn't speak english. I became frustrated and yelled the only 2 cuss words that kathi taught me. The lady was very nice (according to tone) and hung up on me. This is a MILK DRINKING NIGHTMARE. Ahhh. I wanna ride in an elevator (we only have 3 in all of Maryville).

  6. Happy Birthday

  7. Alles Gute zum Geburtstag! Bleib so super wie du bist. All the best! Bussi

  8. haha.
    als kind hab ich mal wie ich allein zuhause war mit der dame von der milch-hotline gesprochen. sie hat mir dann erklärt was pasteurisiert etc bedeutet (: